Be A Man, A Navy Man
by redjagglerock
Summary: This story takes place somewhere between "James and The Giant Whoops" and "A Fighter Pilot in Training Pants." Harm has to explain to his infant son what it takes to become a real Navy man. One-shot


_A/N: You can totally blame my son's girlfriend for this one, except for the part about the buildings, a friend from college inspired that part. Sadly, I don't own the JAG characters, or any rights to Mulan, but I couldn't resist this one._

* * *

Tonight, had been movie night, and Trisha's choice had been to watch Disney's™ Mulan. Harm thought the mere notion of a woman pretending to be a man to run off to war, and not getting busted for being a woman earlier than she did, was pretty far-fetched. However, he admired Mulan's willingness to protect her father at all costs. And he absolutely loved the lucky cricket. He must have one of those in his pocket with as often as he has been able to get himself out of various hairy situations.

He was further awed at Mulan's ability to keep up with the men. In that way, she reminded him very much of his beautiful wife. Mac never had any problem going up against men, whether they be Marine, Navy, or your everyday civilian. In fact, she usually cleaned their clocks in almost any exercise, especially weapons qualifications. Just ask General Cresswell, who found that one out the hard way. All in all, he had to admit that Mulan would be a great role model for young girls. However, Trisha already had someone much closer than China to find those same values in.

Harm has just finished changing Matthew's diaper, and getting him into his blue fuzzy sleeper with prints of various dinosaurs all over it. Harm settles Matthew into his lap in the rocking chair, and with a song from the movie still running through his head, he decides he will forego a lullaby tonight in lieu of a bedtime story.

Harm looks down into blue piercing eyes that mirror his own, and tells his son, "I'll tell you what you need to know to be a man, a Navy man."

Matthew listens intently as Harm starts his story.

Harm starts, "First, _we must be swift as the coursing river_. When you are flying at Angels 30 in combat, you have to be able to out-maneuver any other aircraft. Granted, our fighters are built for speed, and you could probably outrun them if you had to, but it's much more fun to portray your acrobatic techniques. Sometimes, you can perform extraordinary feats that defy all logic and reason. Now, it won't end with an emperor placing a crest around your neck, but if the action warrants it, the President of the United States pins you with a Distinguished Flying Cross or a Silver Star. As a matter of fact, you daddy got his first Distinguished Flying Cross on the day he met your mother. I have to tell you, there is almost nothing as exhilarating as doing barrel rolls among the clouds. It doesn't matter if you are in a bi-plane, or a multi-million-dollar fighter jet. The only thing that comes to mind that I have ever experienced that brings me more joy than that, is when your mom and I fly together. And we aren't in a plane of any sort when that happens. There is no feeling in the world that can compare to that!"

Harm reaches down to tap Matthew's nose, realizing the last part probably isn't the best conversation to have with his infant son. He adds, "But, we will leave that conversation alone for now, at least until you have some hair on your chest."

Continuing his story, Harm tells Matthew, "The next thing you need to know is that Navy men must have _all the force of a great typhoon. _Navy men need to be able to stand their ground. Especially against foreign exchange officers from Australia. Those guys just whirl in, from out of nowhere, around 150 mph, and attempt to knock you on your as.., err, six. If you have your head in the clouds, and don't have your feet firmly planted, it just might cost you the girl. Thankfully, most Navy men don't see typhoons, as they are usually in the Western Pacific. If you end up having to go to Japan, that might be another story. Out here on the Atlantic side, we more often see hurricanes. I've flown through some nasty storms that could definitely rival a hurricane. Your Daddy also once saw a water spout up close when he went near the Bermuda triangle. You should have seen your Uncle Bud on that trip. He wasn't sure whether to be really impressed at the natural phenomenon or to wet his pants!"

Matthew wrinkles his nose at that comment.

Harm smiles down at his little man, "I know that you probably don't think that wetting yourself right now is a bad idea, but when you are a grown man, it's downright embarrassing! You will understand a little better after we go through potty training. You will realize that wet pants don't feel very good at all, and the chaffing that results, hurts worse. I had a friend at the Academy whose goal was to christen every building on campus, the outside of the building, before we graduated. He made the mistake of deciding to achieve that goal in the middle of winter. He was completely blitzed, and ended up getting more on his pants than he did anywhere else. Then, he put the wet pants back on, and walked around the rest of campus back to his dorm room, in very cold, and very wet pants. The rash he had for weeks afterwards was awful. And he couldn't very well explain to our Commanding Officer what caused the issue in the first place. We give you a little Desitin™ when that happens now, but for adults, there isn't an ointment out there that really relieves the uncomfortable sensation. And when you try to add a tight uniform on top of that, it can make your little boys feel VERY uncomfortable! Keeter definitely learned his lesson the hard way on that one! Although you must not like wet pants either because you scream at the top of your lungs every time it happens until your mom or I get your dry."

Matthew starts smiling at the silly faces his dad is making.

Harm smiles, "Oh you find this funny, do you? Well, maybe when you are an adult and I am an old man, you can return the favor and change my diapers."

Matthew starts squirming in Harm's lap at that comment.

Harm chuckles, "Yeah, I didn't think so. But you will most likely have your own kids at that point, so don't think you will get out of messy diaper duty. Your mom never lets me out of it. In fact, I think she hands you off to me because she can anticipate when you are going to do a real doozy. I wouldn't put it past her, your mom has great instincts, even outside of mother's intuition. Don't ever try to sneak up on her, she knows that you are there regardless of how stealthy you think you are being!"

Mac has been leaning against the doorway with her ankles crossed, silently watching, and intently listening, since shortly after Harm started his story. Harm's back has been to her, so he hasn't noticed her presence just yet. She is obviously stealthier than he is. So much for him always knowing where she is. She has had to suppress her laughter, more than once, at her Big Navy Man explaining to his miniature version the lessons of life. She almost lost it with the Keeter story, and her lower lip is fully aware of it from how hard she bit it. Harm will just have to make it feel better later.

Harm repositions Matthew, placing him in the crook of his neck. He quietly tells him, "The next thing you need to have is _all the strength of a raging fire_. Now, with fire, you have to be extremely careful. A fire can rage so strong that it brings utter devastation and burns out entire forests, and even cities. Both California and Australia have lost multiple acres and many lives due to fires burning so strong that it might be cooler in the gates of hell. They often have to fly helicopters in that are specially equipped to drop buckets of water and retardant onto the fires to help extinguish them."

Matthew lets out a small whimper when he hears his father raise his voice.

Harm rubs his hands smoothly up and down his son's back, trying to soothe him. "I'm sorry, Matt. Daddy didn't mean to frighten you. As scary as fire can be, it can also be quite beautiful. Curling up next to the fireplace with your mom, watching the flames dance, with sparkling lights from a lit Christmas tree, and hot cups of cocoa is one of my favorite memories. In fact, a night like that is probably how you got here. Oops, I shouldn't be telling you that yet either!"

Matthew lets out a big burp. Harm pulls Matthew off of his shoulder, and lightly bounces him on his knees. He inquires, "Were you holding that in there all this time? Well it's good to know that I didn't scare you after all."

Matthew gurgles happily at his father's antics. Harm sits Matt upright on his lap and holds him steady with one large hand spread across his back to support him. Harm puffs his chest out and relays, "Ok son, let's talk about strength. It's extremely important that you develop good eating habits, so that you can keep a proper physique."

Harm flexes his muscle showing off his impressive bicep. He continues, "Eating all that dead cow, starch, grease, and ketchup that your mother prefers will not help you grow big and strong, and get you muscles like these. It might work for her, because she has great metabolism, but for us guys, it will only serve to make you grow sideways. That doesn't work too well when you have to pass PT. Protein shakes are a definite must for breakfast. I will even teach you how to make your veggies taste good. That way you don't spit them out all the time like your older sister."

Harm leans in and tells Matthew very quietly, as if passing on a secret, "Miss Trisha is a little marine in the making, but if she doesn't start eating more greens, they won't let her in. You see, they only let you wear Marine green on the outside if you have some greens on the inside. That being said, when you start eating all those healthy veggies, don't you dare start thinking about joining the Marine Corps. You are a 4th generation Navy man through and through. I still don't know how they let your mommy in with all the junk she eats. I practically have to twist her arm to get her to eat a salad."

Mac silently snickers just outside the room. Of all the arguments her and Harm have gotten into, getting her to change her eating habits is one he is never going to win. She does eat a tad bit healthier when she is pregnant, at his insistence. However, she still remembers the horror on his face when three hours after she had given birth, she was chowing down a healthy double with cheese from Beltway Burgers. She smiles at the memory.

Matthew lets out a big yawn, so Harm rises to his full height, walks over to the crib, and sets Matthew down. As he is tucking him in, he says, "The last thing you need to know is that you have to be as _mysterious as the dark side of the moon_. Now, you can never let the ladies know exactly what you are thinking. Idle flirting is good. Using sentences that have double meanings that makes them try and interpret between the lines works for a little while too. However, passing steamy glances, and using cryptic phrases to try and convey your feelings for years isn't going to get you anywhere. Trust me on this, I am speaking from experience. You have to keep them guessing, at least until you find the one that you know is right for you. Otherwise you have no way to remain tall, dark, and mysterious."

Mac softly walks into the room, and places her arms around Harm's waist, and rests her chin on his shoulder, finally making her presence known. She teases, "Isn't that supposed to be tall, dark, and handsome, Sailor?"

Harm smiles, "No, I already know he is going to grow up to be handsome. Look who his parents are." Mac lightly whaps Harm on the back, and his jolt makes Matthew let out a giggle.

Harm gives Matthew's tummy a little rub, and turns around to his wife, whose eyes are dancing. He says, "Hey! Wait a minute. How long have you been standing there?"

Mac chuckles, "Oh, quite a while."

Harm blushes, "I'm in big trouble, aren't I?"

Mac smiles, "No, but I do think that Matthew and I will need to have a discussion to clarify some of your pointers. I definitely disagree with several of them. And your son does not need to know how to woo a woman yet. If he ends up looking anything like his daddy, he won't have any problems with girls chasing him anyway. I think his mommy needs to provide guidance on how to keep the ladies away. Otherwise, I might be forced to answer the door with my service weapon handy."

Harm leans in and tells her, "That's ok, I know I will be answering the door that way when you let our daughter start to date. And don't you dare be trying to swing my son to the other side." It's then that he notices the sore on her lower lip. He runs the pad of his thumb lightly over it, and asks, "What happened here?"

Mac sucks the injured part into her mouth and suppresses a giggle.

Harm again asks, "Mac?"

She bursts out laughing, "I bit it during the Keeter story."

Harm shakes his head, thoroughly embarrassed. He replies, "I guess you were standing there for a while. I'm impressed that you didn't interject sooner."

Mac smiles, "I considered it a few times, but I wanted to see where your story was going."

Harm reaches down, and re-tucks Matthew back in, who has kicked his blanket off during his parents' discussion.

Mac reaches her arms around to Harm's front, and runs the palms of her hands up the insides of his thighs lightly until she reaches his crotch, which she grasps with both hands. She whispers in Harm's ear, "Why don't you finishing getting him settled so you can come show me what a BIG Navy Man can do."

THE END


End file.
